My dear friends...
I simply don't know what to say, or how to say it. I feel dry. Arid as the Sahara. This is not a forum for me to rant or babble like a crazy person. I swore to you that I'd make sense in this place. But not only can I not make sense of anything anymore, I can't even articulate anything. My best lines on a daily basis: "Choice Legal, Matthew speaking", and of course, the ever-popular, "Yes, your paper was served." No one is grateful really, no one cares really.
Now I really am rambling, aren't I?
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Sunday, September 14, 2008
ISABEL
I S A B E L
The first time I met Isabel, I was entranced.
I couldn’t see her, but I knew I was in love.
Neither of us could see the other
But I knew what I was feeling was sent from above.
Isabel lives in a hotel, in the coldest room.
Isabel’s spirit, however, is like a flower’s bloom.
And the first time I saw her, I felt her spirit too.
It moved through me like lightning from the blue.
Isabel excites me and makes my heart feel big.
Isabel calms me and soothes my soul.
Isabel is the most beguiling woman I know.
And whenever I think of her, I feel such a warm glow.
I think I’m the only one who can see her.
And one of these days I’ll give her a kiss.
But I’ll have to wait until I die to do it.
For now, her spirit is all there is.
Others think that Isabel is a gray old lady.
If they only knew what I know.
A spirit is whatever you want it to be.
And Isabel’s is as young and as fresh as snow.
Isabel moves through me every hour of the day.
And she makes me feel powerful, more than I can say.
I can feel her electricity move through my insides.
It’s not the kind of thing I feel I need to hide.
I see Isabel in my mind’s eye
And I’ll make love to her in my dreams.
Her spirit lives in my heart and soul
And she’s just the kind of angel that she seems.
The first time I met Isabel, I was entranced.
I couldn’t see her, but I knew I was in love.
Neither of us could see the other
But I knew what I was feeling was sent from above.
Isabel lives in a hotel, in the coldest room.
Isabel’s spirit, however, is like a flower’s bloom.
And the first time I saw her, I felt her spirit too.
It moved through me like lightning from the blue.
Isabel excites me and makes my heart feel big.
Isabel calms me and soothes my soul.
Isabel is the most beguiling woman I know.
And whenever I think of her, I feel such a warm glow.
I think I’m the only one who can see her.
And one of these days I’ll give her a kiss.
But I’ll have to wait until I die to do it.
For now, her spirit is all there is.
Others think that Isabel is a gray old lady.
If they only knew what I know.
A spirit is whatever you want it to be.
And Isabel’s is as young and as fresh as snow.
Isabel moves through me every hour of the day.
And she makes me feel powerful, more than I can say.
I can feel her electricity move through my insides.
It’s not the kind of thing I feel I need to hide.
I see Isabel in my mind’s eye
And I’ll make love to her in my dreams.
Her spirit lives in my heart and soul
And she’s just the kind of angel that she seems.
Fearless
F e a r l e s s
There is nothing for you to fear.
You are in my loving arms.
My face is serene, my heart is brave.
I am bulletproof.
I am invincible.
We can face the fires of hell
And the demons of earth
So long as we are together.
Nothing can hurt me.
I am fearless.
I am not ashamed.
I am ready to face it all
With you.
Take a little of
My brave, beautiful heart
And make it
Yours.
There is nothing for you to fear.
You are in my loving arms.
My face is serene, my heart is brave.
I am bulletproof.
I am invincible.
We can face the fires of hell
And the demons of earth
So long as we are together.
Nothing can hurt me.
I am fearless.
I am not ashamed.
I am ready to face it all
With you.
Take a little of
My brave, beautiful heart
And make it
Yours.
An Imprint
AN IMPRINT
With one touch
You make an imprint
On my heart.
One look at your eyes
Brands your face
In my mind.
The first time you smile
Is the only time that matters.
It’s the one I’ll always remember.
The first time you hug me
The first time I kiss you
Nothing else comes close.
Your hands make imprints
On my back, on my bones
And on my soul.
The deep breaths we take
As our eyes close
And our spirits melt into each other.
No words can do justice
No poem can truly describe
The imprint made by the one you love.
With one touch
You make an imprint
On my heart.
One look at your eyes
Brands your face
In my mind.
The first time you smile
Is the only time that matters.
It’s the one I’ll always remember.
The first time you hug me
The first time I kiss you
Nothing else comes close.
Your hands make imprints
On my back, on my bones
And on my soul.
The deep breaths we take
As our eyes close
And our spirits melt into each other.
No words can do justice
No poem can truly describe
The imprint made by the one you love.
A Ray Of Sunshine
A RAY OF SUNSHINE
She is a ray of sunshine
Through the gray storm clouds
A breath of fresh air
Along the polluted city grounds.
She is the red, strong sun
Visible through the smoke.
She is the spot of color
The glimmer of eternal hope.
Her spirit is bigger than life
And pure as the driven snow.
And her aura, oh, her aura
Issues a golden, angelic glow.
I feel her spirit fly through me
Through my own, like rain.
And for as long as she lives,
I’ll never feel the need for pain.
Her strength, her passion
The goodness of her heart
All become part of me
Never to break apart.
She tells me I’m a good soul
From one who knows how it feels.
She makes me feel whole
She brings me to feel…
…such love.
She is a ray of sunshine
Through the gray storm clouds
A breath of fresh air
Along the polluted city grounds.
She is the red, strong sun
Visible through the smoke.
She is the spot of color
The glimmer of eternal hope.
Her spirit is bigger than life
And pure as the driven snow.
And her aura, oh, her aura
Issues a golden, angelic glow.
I feel her spirit fly through me
Through my own, like rain.
And for as long as she lives,
I’ll never feel the need for pain.
Her strength, her passion
The goodness of her heart
All become part of me
Never to break apart.
She tells me I’m a good soul
From one who knows how it feels.
She makes me feel whole
She brings me to feel…
…such love.
A Ray Of Sunshine
A RAY OF SUNSHINE
She is a ray of sunshine
Through the gray storm clouds
A breath of fresh air
Along the polluted city grounds.
She is the red, strong sun
Visible through the smoke.
She is the spot of color
The glimmer of eternal hope.
Her spirit is bigger than life
And pure as the driven snow.
And her aura, oh, her aura
Issues a golden, angelic glow.
I feel her spirit fly through me
Through my own, like rain.
And for as long as she lives,
I’ll never feel the need for pain.
Her strength, her passion
The goodness of her heart
All become part of me
Never to break apart.
She tells me I’m a good soul
From one who knows how it feels.
She makes me feel whole
She brings me to feel…
…such love.
She is a ray of sunshine
Through the gray storm clouds
A breath of fresh air
Along the polluted city grounds.
She is the red, strong sun
Visible through the smoke.
She is the spot of color
The glimmer of eternal hope.
Her spirit is bigger than life
And pure as the driven snow.
And her aura, oh, her aura
Issues a golden, angelic glow.
I feel her spirit fly through me
Through my own, like rain.
And for as long as she lives,
I’ll never feel the need for pain.
Her strength, her passion
The goodness of her heart
All become part of me
Never to break apart.
She tells me I’m a good soul
From one who knows how it feels.
She makes me feel whole
She brings me to feel…
…such love.
Monday, September 8, 2008
Simple Gifts--a Christmas Poem
Simple Gifts
No need for trinkets, nor for toys.
No need for songs from choir boys.
Beyond lights, beyond trees,
Beyond holy men on bended knees.
Who needs any holly sprigs?
Who needs those five golden rings?
All these things I hardly heed.
For there is only one thing I need.
I have my family, I have my friends.
I have love that never ends.
I have my mother and stepfather
My sister and brother,and brother-in-law, too.
I thank them so much for all they do.
I have a grandmother so sweet and kind
Her like on this earth I’ll never find.
I have a kitty cat, quiet and cute.
His heart and soul of great repute.
I cannot imagine life without my family,
And thus this sudden Christmas homily.
I love you more than you’ll ever know.
More than a mere poem can ever show.
No need for trinkets, nor for toys.
No need for songs from choir boys.
Beyond lights, beyond trees,
Beyond holy men on bended knees.
Who needs any holly sprigs?
Who needs those five golden rings?
All these things I hardly heed.
For there is only one thing I need.
I have my family, I have my friends.
I have love that never ends.
I have my mother and stepfather
My sister and brother,and brother-in-law, too.
I thank them so much for all they do.
I have a grandmother so sweet and kind
Her like on this earth I’ll never find.
I have a kitty cat, quiet and cute.
His heart and soul of great repute.
I cannot imagine life without my family,
And thus this sudden Christmas homily.
I love you more than you’ll ever know.
More than a mere poem can ever show.
Simple Gifts--a Christmas Poem
Simple Gifts
No need for trinkets, nor for toys.
No need for songs from choir boys.
Beyond lights, beyond trees,
Beyond holy men on bended knees.
Who needs any holly sprigs?
Who needs those five golden rings?
All these things I hardly heed.
For there is only one thing I need.
I have my family, I have my friends.
I have love that never ends.
I have my mother and stepfather
My sister and brother,and brother-in-law, too.
I thank them so much for all they do.
I have a grandmother so sweet and kind
Her like on this earth I’ll never find.
I have a kitty cat, quiet and cute.
His heart and soul of great repute.
I cannot imagine life without my family,
And thus this sudden Christmas homily.
I love you more than you’ll ever know.
More than a mere poem can ever show.
No need for trinkets, nor for toys.
No need for songs from choir boys.
Beyond lights, beyond trees,
Beyond holy men on bended knees.
Who needs any holly sprigs?
Who needs those five golden rings?
All these things I hardly heed.
For there is only one thing I need.
I have my family, I have my friends.
I have love that never ends.
I have my mother and stepfather
My sister and brother,and brother-in-law, too.
I thank them so much for all they do.
I have a grandmother so sweet and kind
Her like on this earth I’ll never find.
I have a kitty cat, quiet and cute.
His heart and soul of great repute.
I cannot imagine life without my family,
And thus this sudden Christmas homily.
I love you more than you’ll ever know.
More than a mere poem can ever show.
Petal
Petal
The most fragrant roses
Are the ones whose petals you want to pluck.
They never wither, fade, or shrivel.
One keeps them for luck.
You savor the petals once they’re free
Because you need to remember
The dazzling beauty that brought you its way
And keep it in mind forever.
You are such a rose to me.
I shall never forget you.
I bless the day we met
And every day we ever knew.
There will be a petal of you inside me
That I’ll cherish until I die
You’ve given me the gift of wings
On which I’ll always fly.
I love you, I’ll miss you
I shall lament that we’re apart.
But I’ll always have your petal
Tucked away inside my heart.
The most fragrant roses
Are the ones whose petals you want to pluck.
They never wither, fade, or shrivel.
One keeps them for luck.
You savor the petals once they’re free
Because you need to remember
The dazzling beauty that brought you its way
And keep it in mind forever.
You are such a rose to me.
I shall never forget you.
I bless the day we met
And every day we ever knew.
There will be a petal of you inside me
That I’ll cherish until I die
You’ve given me the gift of wings
On which I’ll always fly.
I love you, I’ll miss you
I shall lament that we’re apart.
But I’ll always have your petal
Tucked away inside my heart.
Fairy
Fairy
You became my fairy one wonderful day.
And since then, you’ve never been far away.
I found you when I was in a desperate strait.
And you’ve never failed to make me feel great.
Even when I write this to you, your spirit fills my soul.
It travels my body and makes me feel whole.
Your smile could never, ever leave your face.
Your sunlight transcends time and place.
The very thought of you opens my heart.
The love has been there right from the start.
I hope you don’t mind me sharing with you like this,
Because I have been awakened to that which feels like bliss.
You’ve always wanted me to share my light.
You’re in my corner when I need to fight.
The warmth in your hands makes me glow.
So does the warmth in your heart, don’t you know.
Mere words fail me as I want you to see
See how you’ve helped, and all that you are, to me.
You mean more to me than just a gentle touch.
You probably know I love you so much.
It’s not romantic or erotic, it’s love from above.
You’re a fairy sent to me on the wings of a dove.
You became my fairy one wonderful day.
And since then, you’ve never been far away.
I found you when I was in a desperate strait.
And you’ve never failed to make me feel great.
Even when I write this to you, your spirit fills my soul.
It travels my body and makes me feel whole.
Your smile could never, ever leave your face.
Your sunlight transcends time and place.
The very thought of you opens my heart.
The love has been there right from the start.
I hope you don’t mind me sharing with you like this,
Because I have been awakened to that which feels like bliss.
You’ve always wanted me to share my light.
You’re in my corner when I need to fight.
The warmth in your hands makes me glow.
So does the warmth in your heart, don’t you know.
Mere words fail me as I want you to see
See how you’ve helped, and all that you are, to me.
You mean more to me than just a gentle touch.
You probably know I love you so much.
It’s not romantic or erotic, it’s love from above.
You’re a fairy sent to me on the wings of a dove.
Because of You
Because of You…
Because of you, the doors to my heart have been blasted open.
Because of you, only the worst tragedy can close them.
Because of you, I’m as light as a feather.
Because of you, I can survive the worst weather.
Because of you, I’m as happy as a schoolboy.
Because of you, I’m swimming in a sea of joy.
Because of you, the angels in me have come out to play.
Because of you, they’ll come out every single day.
Because of you, the sunlight shines warmer on my face.
And when I’m around you, I forget time and place.
Because of you, my heart won’t stop glowing.
Because of you, the river of love continues flowing.
Because of you, words do very little to express
What great feelings I’ve had to suppress.
Because everything about you is too good to be true,
I’m a better person, and always will be, because of you.
Why?
Because you are…
Because of you, the doors to my heart have been blasted open.
Because of you, only the worst tragedy can close them.
Because of you, I’m as light as a feather.
Because of you, I can survive the worst weather.
Because of you, I’m as happy as a schoolboy.
Because of you, I’m swimming in a sea of joy.
Because of you, the angels in me have come out to play.
Because of you, they’ll come out every single day.
Because of you, the sunlight shines warmer on my face.
And when I’m around you, I forget time and place.
Because of you, my heart won’t stop glowing.
Because of you, the river of love continues flowing.
Because of you, words do very little to express
What great feelings I’ve had to suppress.
Because everything about you is too good to be true,
I’m a better person, and always will be, because of you.
Why?
Because you are…
This world would be a better place...
This world would be an exponentially happier, better, and more peaceful place if...
...papparazzi were outlawed and every last god-blessed one of them had their cameras broken.
...reality teevee ceased to exist immediately. I think all right-thinking people can agree that the social Darwinism thing has run its course and the public humiliation of perfect strangers can and should cease post haste.
...the next guy in the White House actually takes Marianne Williamson's advice and creates a Department of Peace. We've had Departments of War, why not give Peace a chance?
...we can go one day in our lives without hearing or reading the names Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears.
...Tantra were brought into greater practice and the works of Margot Anand (among others) were more widely read. The people who sit at romantic restaurants and read the newspaper the whole time would be very grateful, I'm sure.
...every multiplex in America had at least one print of Citizen Kane, Casablanca, Cries and Whispers (all of Bergman's work for that matter), Schindler's List, The Godfather, The Godfather Part II, The Piano Teacher (same principle applies to Huppert), Annie Hall (that also goes for selected Allen and Keaton films), and at least one Scorsese film (manager's discretion). If you're going to hear another movie through the walls, shouldn't you hear one of those?
...football were immediately outlawed. I realize I just lost half of you by saying that, but football gives me panic attacks when I watch it on teevee.
...I never heard the name Al Gore again, because he will have finally come to his senses, realized that Planet Earth isn't going anywhere anytime soon and given up his Chicken Little Schtick.
...I never heard the names Bill or Hilary Clinton again. They're what you get when fire and fire mix. I'm glad the neither of them are on the Democratic ticket ever again.
Think I can't think of more? Don't bet against me.
...papparazzi were outlawed and every last god-blessed one of them had their cameras broken.
...reality teevee ceased to exist immediately. I think all right-thinking people can agree that the social Darwinism thing has run its course and the public humiliation of perfect strangers can and should cease post haste.
...the next guy in the White House actually takes Marianne Williamson's advice and creates a Department of Peace. We've had Departments of War, why not give Peace a chance?
...we can go one day in our lives without hearing or reading the names Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears.
...Tantra were brought into greater practice and the works of Margot Anand (among others) were more widely read. The people who sit at romantic restaurants and read the newspaper the whole time would be very grateful, I'm sure.
...every multiplex in America had at least one print of Citizen Kane, Casablanca, Cries and Whispers (all of Bergman's work for that matter), Schindler's List, The Godfather, The Godfather Part II, The Piano Teacher (same principle applies to Huppert), Annie Hall (that also goes for selected Allen and Keaton films), and at least one Scorsese film (manager's discretion). If you're going to hear another movie through the walls, shouldn't you hear one of those?
...football were immediately outlawed. I realize I just lost half of you by saying that, but football gives me panic attacks when I watch it on teevee.
...I never heard the name Al Gore again, because he will have finally come to his senses, realized that Planet Earth isn't going anywhere anytime soon and given up his Chicken Little Schtick.
...I never heard the names Bill or Hilary Clinton again. They're what you get when fire and fire mix. I'm glad the neither of them are on the Democratic ticket ever again.
Think I can't think of more? Don't bet against me.
Sunday, September 7, 2008
Freewheeling Woman
Freewheeling WOMAN
Every man should have a freewheeling woman in his life.
A woman who holds out her hand,
And dares you to take it.
A woman who is everywhere at once
And yet so very still.
She would have loved Woodstock.
Most likely she was there.
She is unafraid.
Unashamed.
Unabashed.
Succulent.
Wild as the wind blasting across her face.
She wears her sex like we wear shirts.
Comfortable and familiar.
Lived in. Worn to Perfection.
Her heart beats strong and free
More so than yours or mine.
Her eyes have widened with the passage of time.
But her smile is timeless.
Plain as day she comes across.
Uncomplicated. Simple.
Arms outstretched.
Daring you to love her.
Love her until you’re both dry.
Take the dare.
Love the freewheeling woman.
The one versed in the ways of the world.
The one who’s seen everything.
The one who’s done everything.
And with the freewheeling woman,
You’ll fly. You’ll cry. You’ll smile.
You’ll live.
Every man should have a freewheeling woman in his life.
A woman who holds out her hand,
And dares you to take it.
A woman who is everywhere at once
And yet so very still.
She would have loved Woodstock.
Most likely she was there.
She is unafraid.
Unashamed.
Unabashed.
Succulent.
Wild as the wind blasting across her face.
She wears her sex like we wear shirts.
Comfortable and familiar.
Lived in. Worn to Perfection.
Her heart beats strong and free
More so than yours or mine.
Her eyes have widened with the passage of time.
But her smile is timeless.
Plain as day she comes across.
Uncomplicated. Simple.
Arms outstretched.
Daring you to love her.
Love her until you’re both dry.
Take the dare.
Love the freewheeling woman.
The one versed in the ways of the world.
The one who’s seen everything.
The one who’s done everything.
And with the freewheeling woman,
You’ll fly. You’ll cry. You’ll smile.
You’ll live.
The Touch Of A Woman...
The Touch Of A Woman
One of these days, these magical days
A beautiful woman will lock me in her gaze.
Someday very soon, I hope it shall be the case
That her velveteen hand touches my face.
God, how I want to hold her cheek
Her porcelain, creamy, soft cheek.
I hold in my heart, and devoutly I pray
That I’ll kiss a magical woman someday.
I’ve never known how a woman’s touch feels.
I want to know if a woman’s heart heals.
I hope it can before mine congeals.
Is true love to be had in my life?
Can I find succor with a wonderful wife?
It would make me so happy to touch a woman today.
It would be the beacon, the answer to everything I pray.
To hug, to kiss, to smile and caress.
It could only make me happy—it can’t depress.
When I’m lying next to the woman I love
I’ll know she’s been sent to me from above.
I’ll be the happiest man in the world
And I’ll love it very much
If you’ll send me a lovely lady
To seduce me with her touch.
One of these days, these magical days
A beautiful woman will lock me in her gaze.
Someday very soon, I hope it shall be the case
That her velveteen hand touches my face.
God, how I want to hold her cheek
Her porcelain, creamy, soft cheek.
I hold in my heart, and devoutly I pray
That I’ll kiss a magical woman someday.
I’ve never known how a woman’s touch feels.
I want to know if a woman’s heart heals.
I hope it can before mine congeals.
Is true love to be had in my life?
Can I find succor with a wonderful wife?
It would make me so happy to touch a woman today.
It would be the beacon, the answer to everything I pray.
To hug, to kiss, to smile and caress.
It could only make me happy—it can’t depress.
When I’m lying next to the woman I love
I’ll know she’s been sent to me from above.
I’ll be the happiest man in the world
And I’ll love it very much
If you’ll send me a lovely lady
To seduce me with her touch.
Until Now
Until Now
I am a simple and quiet man.
I do not have a fancy car.
I don’t have a big house.
My clothes were not hand-cut by Armani.
My shoes were not shined or spit-polished.
Millions of dollars I do not need.
Nor many minions at my beck and call.
I am a simple and quiet man…
Too quiet.
I am quiet because I have no one to share my life with.
Until now.
I want to share my life with you.
I want to share my love with you.
I’ve never wanted someone so much.
I’ve never loved someone so much.
And I have never wanted to make love to anyone.
Until now.
You have shone light into my heart’s darkest corners.
You bring endless joy with you into my life.
Your smile could light cities.
Your spirit could save the world.
It has already saved my life.
The printed page can only do so much.
I yearn for your caress and touch.
Let me make you feel as beautiful as you do me.
Let me let you make love to me.
I’ve never loved so deeply, nor needed so badly.
I’ve never ached as much, nor loved as much.
I’ve never loved anyone…
Until now.
I am a simple and quiet man.
I do not have a fancy car.
I don’t have a big house.
My clothes were not hand-cut by Armani.
My shoes were not shined or spit-polished.
Millions of dollars I do not need.
Nor many minions at my beck and call.
I am a simple and quiet man…
Too quiet.
I am quiet because I have no one to share my life with.
Until now.
I want to share my life with you.
I want to share my love with you.
I’ve never wanted someone so much.
I’ve never loved someone so much.
And I have never wanted to make love to anyone.
Until now.
You have shone light into my heart’s darkest corners.
You bring endless joy with you into my life.
Your smile could light cities.
Your spirit could save the world.
It has already saved my life.
The printed page can only do so much.
I yearn for your caress and touch.
Let me make you feel as beautiful as you do me.
Let me let you make love to me.
I’ve never loved so deeply, nor needed so badly.
I’ve never ached as much, nor loved as much.
I’ve never loved anyone…
Until now.
WHY?
Why?
When we talk, why do we not listen?
When we write, why do we not read?
No one thinks before they act.
Why?
No one looks before they walk.
Why?
What are we doing to each other?
Why are we doing it?
Why are there no solutions?
Why is there no hope?
Why can’t we love each other
Like we say we love God?
Why?
Tell me why.
Someone.
Anyone.
Why?
Everyone wants to talk
No one wants to listen.
Why?
Everyone wants to fight.
No one will shake hands.
Why?
Why do we destroy?
Why can’t we rebuild?
Tell me.
Please tell me.
Why.
When we talk, why do we not listen?
When we write, why do we not read?
No one thinks before they act.
Why?
No one looks before they walk.
Why?
What are we doing to each other?
Why are we doing it?
Why are there no solutions?
Why is there no hope?
Why can’t we love each other
Like we say we love God?
Why?
Tell me why.
Someone.
Anyone.
Why?
Everyone wants to talk
No one wants to listen.
Why?
Everyone wants to fight.
No one will shake hands.
Why?
Why do we destroy?
Why can’t we rebuild?
Tell me.
Please tell me.
Why.
OPEN LETTER
September 1, 2008
To the Angels and Fairies who watch over me:
You have watched over me for nearly 30 years now, and you have seen me safely from here to there. Oh, yes, there have been accidents, disasters and tragedies, strife and discord, but I am safe because you have loved me. I’ve never seen you, but I know you’re there. I am gambling the success of this letter on the hope that you are reading over my shoulder, guiding my hand across the paper, as it were.
I am asking you now, on bent knee, not just to play a role, but to actively participate in the change of my life. I am praying that you can help me unleash powers that I know are dormant within me. I want to be able to see outside the physical world, into lives I never knew I lived, to see others the way only a very few others can. I know that I am powerful and strong; few others care or understand. Now is the time for me to get my hands dirty, to take charge of my life and how it is lived. I am calling on all of you who watch over and love me to help me do it.
You have heard me weep bitterly over my perceived weaknesses and seeming powerlessness over my own life. Now is the time for me to change that. Please take my hand and lead me down the path that will lead me to freedom. The path I’ve been down leads only to suffering, pain, disease and their foot soldiers. I can’t go on much longer down this path. I am praying, as hard as I have ever prayed in my life, for a miracle. Every human being has to have one sooner or later—please let me have mine.
I’ll do my part; I’ll co-create and do the legwork. But I need the strength and the courage to do it; please, Angels and Fairies, grant me that strength. I’ll sweat and toil, but I need your help to make the breeze feel cooler. Most importantly to me, please help me forgive myself. I can’t even tell you the number of mistakes that I’ve made that I can never live down, in work and in life. Please grant me the serenity to live with my humanity and the ability to forgive myself.
Please read these words. Please do not forsake me now, when I need you all the most. Help me to know that I am safe, protected and loved; that I am perfect just as I am, blemishes and all. Please allow me to feel as you do, always and forever.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
It is done, it is done, it is done.
Amen.
Very truly yours,
Matthew McIlvain
September 1, 2008
To the Angels and Fairies who watch over me:
You have watched over me for nearly 30 years now, and you have seen me safely from here to there. Oh, yes, there have been accidents, disasters and tragedies, strife and discord, but I am safe because you have loved me. I’ve never seen you, but I know you’re there. I am gambling the success of this letter on the hope that you are reading over my shoulder, guiding my hand across the paper, as it were.
I am asking you now, on bent knee, not just to play a role, but to actively participate in the change of my life. I am praying that you can help me unleash powers that I know are dormant within me. I want to be able to see outside the physical world, into lives I never knew I lived, to see others the way only a very few others can. I know that I am powerful and strong; few others care or understand. Now is the time for me to get my hands dirty, to take charge of my life and how it is lived. I am calling on all of you who watch over and love me to help me do it.
You have heard me weep bitterly over my perceived weaknesses and seeming powerlessness over my own life. Now is the time for me to change that. Please take my hand and lead me down the path that will lead me to freedom. The path I’ve been down leads only to suffering, pain, disease and their foot soldiers. I can’t go on much longer down this path. I am praying, as hard as I have ever prayed in my life, for a miracle. Every human being has to have one sooner or later—please let me have mine.
I’ll do my part; I’ll co-create and do the legwork. But I need the strength and the courage to do it; please, Angels and Fairies, grant me that strength. I’ll sweat and toil, but I need your help to make the breeze feel cooler. Most importantly to me, please help me forgive myself. I can’t even tell you the number of mistakes that I’ve made that I can never live down, in work and in life. Please grant me the serenity to live with my humanity and the ability to forgive myself.
Please read these words. Please do not forsake me now, when I need you all the most. Help me to know that I am safe, protected and loved; that I am perfect just as I am, blemishes and all. Please allow me to feel as you do, always and forever.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
It is done, it is done, it is done.
Amen.
Very truly yours,
Matthew McIlvain
September 7, 2008
My name is Matthew McIlvain. I live in Tampa, Florida. I'll be thirty years old in approximately seven weeks.
I know, I know. You out there in Blogland are wondering, "Who is Matthew McIlvain and why does he think he's so special that he would want the whole world to know the story of his life?"
The fact is, I'm no more special than you. I just hope that enough of you will see that I'm here. I've lived twenty-nine years, ten months, ten days and twenty-five minutes under the radar. I'd like to change that. I want to be that bouncing baby boy exploding out of the womb ready to take on humanity, something I've quite honestly done a lousy job of doing until now.
One thing I do promise you: I will at least make a concerted effort to make sense on this website. I will not use abbreviations, excessive lower-case words, and I don't think you need to know what my favorite sexual position is or what sort of beverages I drink. I will, however, use this page as a forum to present my poetry and other writings, things that I hope you will like. I'm very mindful of the words of one of my idols, the late, lamented, and much beloved George Carlin: "More people write poetry than read it." All the same, I hope you enjoy it...
I know, I know. You out there in Blogland are wondering, "Who is Matthew McIlvain and why does he think he's so special that he would want the whole world to know the story of his life?"
The fact is, I'm no more special than you. I just hope that enough of you will see that I'm here. I've lived twenty-nine years, ten months, ten days and twenty-five minutes under the radar. I'd like to change that. I want to be that bouncing baby boy exploding out of the womb ready to take on humanity, something I've quite honestly done a lousy job of doing until now.
One thing I do promise you: I will at least make a concerted effort to make sense on this website. I will not use abbreviations, excessive lower-case words, and I don't think you need to know what my favorite sexual position is or what sort of beverages I drink. I will, however, use this page as a forum to present my poetry and other writings, things that I hope you will like. I'm very mindful of the words of one of my idols, the late, lamented, and much beloved George Carlin: "More people write poetry than read it." All the same, I hope you enjoy it...
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