Sunday, September 6, 2009

Things I Wonder about the Muscular Dystrophy Telethon

--Given the fact that Jerry Lewis is still very popular in France, how many Euros and francs get factored into the tally? Shouldn’t Jerry start counting those?

--I saw Jerry this past May at the Cannes Film Festival, stumbling up the stairs of the Palais de Festival. Are you entirely sure you should be trusting so frail a man with your money?

--With Ed McMahon now in that Big Teevee Studio in the Sky, do you think Jerry will this year stage a twenty-one gun salute in Ed’s memory? Don’t put it past him.

--Keep in mind that Jerry hasn’t made a movie worth a damn since The King of Comedy with Scorsese and De Niro twenty-six years ago. Do any of the cast members from that film make regular contributions to the MDA? (Maybe not Sandra Bernhard so much—methinks she’s still getting over getting punched by Jerry.)

--Most importantly, when the hell is there ever going to be a cure for Muscular Dystrophy? I should think that with all of the medical and scientific advancements over the decades, there should long since have been a vaccine for Muscular Dystrophy. If the aim of these Labor Day telethons is to make sure there is never the need for another, then the question hangs there like the London Fog: Where have all the billions of dollars gone? More money has been raised for victims of Hurricane Katrina and the September 11th Atrocities in less time and used more efficiently than it’s taken “scientists” to find the mythical cure for MD.

I’m just asking, you know.

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