Odds and Ends

--You know what you never hear? A construction worker on NPR. For that matter, a construction worker who sounds like he belongs on NPR.

--Do you know what the difference is between an old soul and an old fart? An old fart doesn't have time to grow old. A fart is gone in about thirty seconds. An old soul, however, is forever. Surround youself with old souls if you possibly can.

--The other night, I was dialing though cable channels and stumbled upon what used to be called Headline News. Now it's just called HLN, probably because CNN doesn't trust you to remember something called Headline News. Anyway, on Jane Velez-Mitchell's show, there were five guests, in five separate studios, possibly in five seperate cities. At first, I couldn't figure out why. Then I realized: There would be a riot if all these cats were in the same studio. CNN most assuredly takes a dim view of their hosts gouging their guests' eyes out.

--People have told me that I must not be a real American because I don't like pro football. These are probably the same people who think that Las Vegas is the capital of Nevada, two plus two is five, and Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone.

--I see that Dr. Mehmet Oz, one of Oprah's cronies, now has his own show that I'll never watch. But it is quite refreshing to see that Dr. Oz is probably going to wear something other than hospital scrubs. Hey, Doc: Change out of your damn scrubs if you know you're going on the air; otherwise, Aunt Mema is would like her new kidney fairly soon, as in today.

--The more Dr. Phil McGraw tells me I should "Get Real!", the more phony he sounds.

--Fedoras appear to be coming back in style. Pity I don't have a head that is conducive to wearing a baseball cap, never mind a fedora. Shame, too, because I used to love to model my grandfather's fedoras.