the idea of surrender

do I know what it means to truly surrender?

have I every really let go?

I don’t know.

why am I attached to an outcome?

dictated by a result?

I ought not to be.

have I ever really let go of the rope?

taken my hand off of the wheel?

I don’t think so.

why the hell can’t I just surrender?

melt into the sand?

let my spine soften and loosen?

and not be in control?

Can’t I for once let my body take over?

let my heart do the talking?

and leave my mind’s whine in the distance?

why does the idea of surrender

raise more questions for me

than it answers?

Because I have not surrendered.

Not in a very long time.