"Matthew Mcilvain is not really a grown-up. People I know have told me that I seem more mature now than when I first met them. My mind may agree, but my heart does not. At heart, I am still very, very much a child. I am still a child, an anguished, lonely, despairing child who clings to his friends and loved ones like a marooned sailor to a raft on a stormy night at sea. I need them so badly..."
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