This morning, the pernicious, maddening rain awakened me at 5:30AM EDT or thereabouts. Try as though I might, I could not get back to sleep. I was remembering words one of my dearest friends in life had told me yesterday: "This is the kind of day where you want to stay in bed with your lover." The feeling and the desire had latched on to me as though magnetized. I was all alone, but I wanted to be touched, held and beheld by a gorgeous woman. I am so ready to be loved...

After about an hour of this, at 6:30AM, I gave in and checked the computer for e-mail. On my Facebook page, I wrote this:

"Yesterday, someone I'm close with told me that it was a good day to be in bed with a lover. Those words reverberate in my mind and in my heart even now. The rain has awakened me on my day off and I wish for all the world I had a lover here with me. The sound of the rain is driving me mad. I want and I need a lover; her breathing would be all I want to hear."

And in response, someone whose name I will not soil my hands or soul with, despite the fact that he attended the same high school as me, said this: "I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but ur never gonna have 1."

I now feel the sting of his attack more acutely than when he first said it. It is as if he had assumed God's place and were now the arbiter of who does and does not deserve love, companionship, and His grace. For what it was worth, I immediately deleted his comment, so that the people I love would see I am not unlovable. For me to respond to him directly would have taken a hostility and vindictiveness I do not believe I possess. It also would have indicated that it was okay for him to say such an ugly, spiteful thing in the first place.

I don't know why people say such hateful things. I've often said, even on this blog, that if people loved one another like they say they love God, the world would be so much happier. I wish this man, if he can still look himself in the mirror and call himself that, would understand that concept.